Let me be real with you...That's not me. I am awful at small talk. If I run into someone at the grocery store, even someone I know well and am usually comfortable with, I feel awkward. It's as if my brain just shuts down. I have no idea what to say and I'm even worse at ending the conversation. I won't easily approach someone to say hi, because let's face it, beyond that one word, I don't know where to carry the conversation.
Today was another prime example. My boys have swimming lessons every day. Everyday I see the same women. Everyday these women are laughing and talking about trivial things. I yearn to be a part of the conversations. But instead, I sit back. I utter a small "Hi" and smile. That's it. I have not mastered the art of casually squeezing myself in.Growing up, I was a shy little girl. Somehow, though, through the grace of God, I managed to make friends. But as I've gotten older, my shyness was mistaken as snobbery. Unless a person took the time to have a one-on-one conversation with me, they only saw a woman standing off to the side, not saying anything and seemingly unwilling to do so. I have heard from multiple ladies, ladies that are now my friends, that upon first seeing me, they thought I was stuck up.
It seems like such a juvenile problem. But it is definitely something that I struggle with. I realize this is how God made me, but I also realize that God wants me to be a light to others. How can I possibly be that when I appear stand offish.
This post isn't about having people feel sorry for me. It's not a pity-party. It just occurred to me that more than likely there are others that deal with the same thing. I want to acknowledge this battle. I want to acknowledge that this struggle is real! Maybe one of you has dealt with this and overcome! I would love to hear some tips and ideas on how you worked through it.
